Bad Game Music #09

I’ve Got the Bad Game Music in Me

This batch of uploads went up on the YouTube channel while the Bad Game Hall of Fame website was on an unexpected hiatus. The Biohazard “Yume de Owarasenai” video was edited before deciding to move to a new video template, hence the inconsistency.

  1. Biohazard (PS1) – “Yume de Owarasenai”
  2. Rogue Warrior (360, PS3, PC) – “Kickin’ Ass and Takin’ Names”
  3. Wario World (GCN) – “[Pause Menu]”
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Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi

Intense 3D Fighting in That Galaxy Far, Far Away

Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
Many Bothans died to bring us this awesome art by @shaferbrown.

Star Wars games have a long history of being “hit or miss.” When they hit, we’ve gotten some instant classics as a result; like Super Star Wars on the SNES, Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader on the Gamecube, or the Star Wars Trilogy Arcade cabinet. My personal favorite might actually be the simply titled Star Wars released for the NES in 1991 — the one that played like an open world game where you could choose to steal the Millennium Falcon without ever even meeting Obi Wan or Han Solo, if you so pleased.

But for every hit, there is a miss: Flight of the Falcon, Rebel Assault, Kinect Star Wars — the list goes on. But perhaps none are quite as infamous as 1997’s Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi. In concept, a Star Wars fighting game seemed like it would be hard to go wrong. In fact, a quote from a preview featured in issue 12 of Star Wars Galaxy magazine went so far as to claim that it would “be hard to go wrong.”[1] Clearly, the interviewee responsible for that quote was not gifted with Force Vision.Masters of Teräs Käsi would be almost universally panned on release, stacked up against such tough competition as Tekken 3 and Street Fighter III. But with that in mind, was it simply a matter of unfair comparison? Is Masters of Teräs Käsi actually an alright game, overshadowed by some of its stand-out peers?

In this article, we’ll be travelling back a not-so long time ago, and not particularly far away either; to examine the rise and fall of the first Star Wars fighting game.** We’ll attempt to make sense of its development, battle our way through the game itself, and measure the impact the release had on both the games industry and the Star Wars franchise itself. Are there any other Star Wars references I should get out of the way up front? Oh! I’ll try “I have a bad feeling about this.” That’s a good quote.

** If you’re willing to dig super deep / count a technicality, this maybe isn’t entirely true? 1997’s Star Warped – a Star Wars parody game fittingly published by “Parroty Interactive” – featured a variety of minigames and activities for players to partake in. Among these was a game titled “Flawed Fighters,” which gave you a choice between three characters (“Leia I. Joe,” “Cool Handless Luke,” and “Pizza Flippin Greedo”) and allowed you to battle it out against an AI. But honestly, this is such an obscure little curio that can only tangentially be called a “Star Wars game,” and so we’re just gonna go ahead and disregard this. Also, it sucked.

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Bad Game Music #08

BGM Stands for “Bad Game Music Hall of Fame”

Today’s centerpiece upload is the full contents of Kid Stuff Records’ 1983 vinyl, Donkey Kong (printed as “Donkey Kong Goes Home”). Also included with this upload are my recreated of the vinyl stickers, containing the tracklists and production information for this most rare of novelty records.

  1. Donkey Kong (Kid Stuff Records, 1983) – Full Album
  2. Manx TT Superbike (SAT) – “Sheep on the Run”
  3. Sonic Eraser (GEN) – “Versus”
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Haunted Castle

Re-Vamp an Old Game with This New Kit

What a horrible night to have a wedding.
Haunted art by @AgentAnnK.

In a previous article covering Castlevania: The Adventure, I mourned the assassination of Castlevania by the cowards Konami. As mentioned, Castlevania is one of my favorite game franchises, and my history with it goes as far back as the Super Nintendo Entertainment System days. So, you can imagine that I was both surprised and intrigued by the announcement of the animated series set to debut on Netflix. And with its release, I was even more pleasantly surprised to find that it was good!

But we’re not about “good” games-related properties on this website: In the words of a wise bobcat, “We’re the Bad Game Hall of Fame, fur cryin’ out loud!” So, if I wanna talk about Castlevania on this site, it’s gonna have to be in the context of a bad video game. And like with most all long-running franchises, they can’t all be winners.

In 1988, Konami opened the doors to their Haunted Castle. It may not carry the Castlevania name,** but it certainly carries on its trademarks and traditions. It also carries with it the burden of trying to bring the classic Castlevania experience to the arcades — an idea which, if you think about it, actually doesn’t seem like all that much a stretch for the notoriously unforgiving series. And yet, more than a few things still managed to get lost in the translation. We’ll get into the what, the where, and hopefully some of the whys as to why Haunted Castle might very well be one of the worst Castlevania games. Also, I’ll give my theory as to why they didn’t even dare call the game Castlevania in the states.

** The game does carry the original Akumajo Dracula branding in Japan, keeping it in line with the rest of the franchise.

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Indigo Prophecy / Fahrenheit

Tell Me, What Is Your Cage Like?

What should I do with all that power? 
Prophetic art by @ehetja.

Things are never quite what they seem. We think we understand the games industry around us, but we really only see the outside. What it seems to be. I used to be just like you: I believed in developers, games magazines, television commercials, rumor mills and strategy guides. One day, a game kicks you in the teeth and you don’t have any choice but to see things the way they really are. My name is Cassidy. My story is the one where an ordinary gamer has something extraordinary happen to them. Maybe it was supposed to happen. Maybe it was my destiny or my karma or whatever. I know one thing for sure: Nothing’s ever going to be the same again.

It all started right here. Where else could it happen? Quantic Dream; capital of the interactive movie genre, the developer destiny chose for the umpteenth big game. I was just another pawn living my pawn’s life. Until that night when my life descended into chaos. And the man responsible for my torment? None other than David Cage.

Indigo Prophecy — or, as some parts of the world know it, Fahrenheit. A potentially promising noir tale that many say takes a turn for the worse. Loved by some, loathed by others, but leaving most falling somewhere in the middle. Today, I make my personal determination: Does Quantic Dream’s vision of a snowy apocalypse stand the test of time, or did it never really pass the quiz to begin with? To fully understand the events which transpired on the 16th of September, 2005, we must turn the clock back to an earlier time — to a time before things were forever changed.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This article contains embedded links to content that is Not Safe for Work, including animated GIFs depicting computer-generated graphic nudity. The original European release of the game was given a PEGI 18 rating, with some of the more sexually explicit content being cut in order to avoid an Adults Only rating in North America (bringing the game down to a Mature / 17+). As such, I’d ask that you do try to avoid clicking on any links with a “(NSFW)” label if you are not of legal age to view such content.

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